but I just wanted to say, that some people are incredible. And I mean... really truly incredible.

And God, I just live in freaking Kernersville. I've met virtually no one. And yet there are so many people who I will never get to know that I so desperately want to, because I know we would fall in love, and no I don't mean romantically, but nonetheless: in love.

And I would characterize myself as desperate. Finger-biting, hair-pulling, on-the-knees desperate. But... I can't have it. I doubt I ever will. Because I don't know how, and it scares me, and I can't decide.

But that's one of my biggest problems. Because I can't decide on anything, not even people. And relationships don't just happen. They take time. You can't have that awesome connection with a person if you don't take time to be with that person. You really have to choose who you want and i just can't choose who I want to be with. There are just too many.

I could name hundreds of people like this. I VERY often review them in my head.... Some I cross out as more or less important, but really I can never decide. Who do I spend my time on? And so I end up with virtually nothing.... Urg. I could list the people... but it would probably creep some people out if they saw the list because... there are sooooo many people, and many I don't even really know, or if I do know them well we still haven't been in the circumstances to develop a relationship that would warrant such feelings....

And it is from ridiculously horrible and wonderful problems like this that I run. It is for this reason that I fear commitment and marriage and scheduling and "Wings/Frisbee Sundays" mmhmm.... And it's for this reason that I shun love and relationships and scoff at the idea of remaining in Kernersville or the cute little suburbs.

I want relationships like that so bad... that I fear them more than anything....

But mainly, if you're reading this, chances are I want you and I honestly love you... more than anything, at least in this wistful, romanticized moment. So feel good about yourself. And smile. And....