I miss Jason a lot. But mainly I'm just really confused. I have, at this point, surpassed specific emotions. They're just all confused. And I don't really know what to do.

And I don't know.

And missing Jason may or may not have anything to do with the confusion. They're really two separate thoughts. But I said mainly I'm just confused because that's the primary feeling.... Also because this is a very very different and confusing kind of miss so... it almost doesn't even count as missing. Yeah, mainly just confusing.

I don't know if I've ever been this verklempt. Yes, that is how I feel. "Verklempt." I  also don't think I've ever used that word so... that's nice.

And now I'm thinking about how ridiculously crappy my last Walden journal was. I'm really rather embarrassed about that. Gaaaaaaah, it was bad. It wasn't even bad. It was just... really disorganized and... probably emotional and off topic and... confused. And I'm embarrassed.

Some things really embarrass me; things that wouldn't embarrass other people. Things other people don't even notice. ANd I'll just repeat them over and over again in my head and think about how stupid it was.

The other day I was thinking about how and why I was a bad person, and it was so clear and perfect. It was amazing. All the little steps in the logic were... aaaaaaah. And I wished I was typing it on here. But I wasn't. Oh well.

It mainly had to do with being greedy and selfish and self-centered. And with college. Now this my friend is a big news bulletin.

I, K H, am considering going to a state school.

Yes.